No Shame in Regret: Healing Through Self-Compassion
We often hear people proudly declare, "I don't regret anything!" — as if regret is something shameful to admit. But the truth is, regret is a deeply human emotion.
It's not a sign of weakness. It's not proof that you’ve "failed."
It’s simply your mind and heart trying to make sense of your choices, your past, and your hopes for the future.
If you’re struggling with regret—whether over something you did or didn’t do—you’re not alone. And you don’t have to carry it by yourself.
In this post, let’s explore what regret really is, why it’s normal, what people often regret (according to research), and how therapy can help you move forward with more self-compassion and peace.
Understanding Regret as an Emotion
Regret is an emotional response to realizing that a different action, choice, or path might have led to a better outcome. It often brings up feelings like sadness, disappointment, guilt, shame, or longing.
But here’s something important: Regret can also be a sign of growth.
It shows that you care about how your actions impact yourself and others. It shows you have values, dreams, and hopes you want to live by.
In that way, regret isn’t the enemy. It’s information — a gentle (or sometimes not-so-gentle) reminder of what matters most to you. Instead of pushing regret away or pretending it doesn’t exist, we can learn to acknowledge it, understand it, and even let it guide us toward deeper self-awareness and healing.
Common Regrets People Experience (Research Says You’re Not Alone)
Research into regret shows that it’s a universal human experience. Across different studies, the most common areas where people report feeling regret include:
Relationships: Missed chances to connect, unresolved conflicts, relationships ended too soon, or not expressing feelings.
Education and Career: Not pursuing a dream, quitting school, choosing a "safe" career over a passionate one, or not taking professional opportunities.
Parenting: Wishing they'd spent more time with their children, or handled parenting challenges differently.
Health: Neglecting mental or physical health earlier in life.
Personal Growth: Not taking risks, not living authentically, staying in comfort zones out of fear.
Kindness and Forgiveness: Wishing they had been kinder—to others and to themselves.
Interestingly, studies show that regrets about inaction (“I wish I had…”) tend to linger longer than regrets about action (“I wish I hadn’t…”). In other words, we often regret the chances we didn’t take more than the mistakes we made when we tried.
How Therapy Can Help with Regret
Therapy offers a safe, nonjudgmental space to explore your regrets—and the feelings that come with them.
You don’t have to "get over it" quickly.
You don’t have to pretend you’re okay if you’re not.
You get to process regret at your own pace, with support and compassion.
In therapy, we can work together to:
Understand the deeper meaning behind your regret (what values or dreams are speaking to you through it?)
Separate healthy regret from toxic shame (regret says “I wish I had”; shame says “I am bad”—there’s a big difference.)
Challenge black-and-white thinking about your past choices (you made the best decision you could with the knowledge and resources you had at the time.)
Forgive yourself and practice self-compassion (because you deserve that kindness too.)
Turn regret into growth by identifying what you want to carry forward into your future.
You don't have to live stuck in the past. Therapy can help you make peace with it—and move forward with more intention and self-respect.
Benefits of Therapy for Processing Regret
Emotional Relief: Finally giving voice to emotions you may have buried for years.
Self-Compassion: Learning to treat yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a friend.
New Perspectives: Understanding your past choices in the broader context of your life.
Confidence: Feeling empowered to make decisions aligned with your values going forward.
Freedom: Releasing the grip that regret and shame may have had on your present.
You’re Allowed to Feel Regret—and Still Move Forward
Regret doesn’t make you broken.
It makes you human.
And when approached with compassion, regret can become a guide—not a prison.
If this post resonates with you, know that you’re not alone. Therapy can be a place where you learn to meet your past with gentleness and your future with courage.
Reach out today if you’re ready to begin that journey. You deserve it.
